A mind towards the future, a remembrance of the past, and an attempt to live in the present. This is how my life is right now. The issue is everything effects everything, and it feels like I am trying to balance all things. It has caused a bit of weirdness in my life. I was at a meeting the other day and was asked if I was busy and I said it felt like it, but when I tried to recall what I did to make it feel that way I could not.
Such is life with three children, two businesses, and a boatload of finances to manage. Just yesterday I was trying to pay the property tax bills from the estate account because the business account doesn’t have enough money in it due to actions taken in January and miscalculations on my part due to those actions while my daughter yelled at me for food and the city website yelled at me that I had multiple tabs open despite only having one tab open. Is this busy? Is this progressing anything forward?
Separate, restructure, reorient. I must turn to face the future with a mind to the past and both feet in the present. It is hard to let go of our worries. I have my own business that needs my attention and it feels like every time I reengage with the business bad things happen. But separation of duties is something we discussed just yesterday.
Let’s backtrack to that meeting when I felt busy but had no idea what I had been busy with. I feel like I am both lost in time and flying through it. Ask me what month it is and I might say April or June or once out of every ten times get it right and say May. The past, present, and future are circling and all presenting their own problems and just like Taylor Swift I can’t solve them.
Is a problem you can’t solve but choose not to worry about no longer a problem? Consider this puzzle. My father, while in no condition to do so, bought out two leases on automobiles with money from selling a property one lease was not finished because he probably didn’t remember buying it out and didn’t know he needed to go to the DMV to clear the title so I have an unclear title and an appointment on June 10 at the DMV to clear the title. Simultaneously I need to go to the DMV to report two cars sold in order to have the property taxes adjusted on them. Property taxes are due June 5. Then there is the issue of my Real ID in which I am waiting on my birth certificate from vital records. Now when I get my birth certificate do I then go get the sales receipt for the car and head on over to the DMV in order to do everything all at once or do I make separate trips and keep the appointment for clearing the title?
It is all a conundrum wrapped in an enigma inside of the Hellraiser puzzle box. What devils do I invite through action or inaction? I keep thinking, “The money is tied up in probate,” would be a good phrase to learn and imply, because I can’t keep futzing around with these matters when I have my own to attend to. The news keeps telling people financial ruin is on the horizon and to expect a light travel season. When you have a business based on travel it can create some issues.
My focus is needed in too many places and I lack an anchor. My life feels unmoored and disorganized. The people around me offer help but I am not sure how to take advantage as there are other blockades. Take for example the meeting the other day. The financial advisor offered several solutions and we discussed a new strategy. However because the investment account is an estate account no money can come in or out, and I don’t recall the probate timeline. June is when the inventory is due and I left it in the lawyers hands and trust they will do it. Then I do not know the next step or when the accounts can be transferred to my mother’s name and start being able to take in and send out money.
There are also other small problems that I feel should be tabled for now. I am grateful for the people in my life and for helping hands. Again a year long pause on life and a period of mourning would have been nice, and all this makes me fully understand the tradition.
David Huzzard Writes 