Most people think they are the hero of their story. I am convinced I am the villain. In my efforts to relieve my own financial stress and to get things moving in a positive directions I looked into getting a line of credit on the equity in this house. In doing so I discovered that plan would be much easier or only possible (depending on the bank). If my name was on the title.
I talked with both my sisters about this and then approached our estate attorney about this. Something in her e-mail gave me pause. It made me feel like I was trying to erase my mother or to steal from the family. Banks, the city government, and reality have put me in charge of quite a lot of wealth and I do not feel like I deserve it or that I should be trusted with it.
We all know villains that try to do the right thing for the wrong reasons or do the wrong thing for the right reasons. Either way is a bad path, and that is where I feel I am. I am liking wrong about all this and need to accept the reality that my father lived a good and productive life and now I am filling a role left absent in our family.
I just want things to be fair, and they never will be. I used to say the people that tell you that life isn’t fair are the ones that make it that way, and they are. I got into a great and glorious argument with a parking attendant at my college because as a freshman I ended up in upper classman housing and needed a different parking pass to park where I lived. She told me if she made an exception for me she’d have to make an exception for everyone and I told her that no, I’m the only freshman living in this building. It is literally just me. Then she told me life wasn’t fair handed me the ticket and walked away. I complained to the dean of housing and got the correct parking pass.
Not worrying is difficult. Every little thing is not going to turn out all right. Life is inherently unfair and no matter how hard I try to bend the situations I am in towards fairness they won’t always go that way, and sometimes life is about accepting your role, and that doesn’t automatically make someone a villain.
David Huzzard Writes 