This is the most empty my head has been since I started writing again. I am grateful this morning for something, I am sure, but what it is I can’t think of. It sometimes feels like I have had serious brain damage at some point. I have trouble thinking my way out of simple situations and when given even more complex problems it is impossible.
Getting my business in working order has been a mystery beyond my control, the family finances, even worse, and don’t even ask me about getting my children to behave. Life is full of mysteries and I understand none of them. I am stumbling through everything right now with no idea which way to go.
Yesterday feels like a completely wasted day. I worked in the morning and then spent the rest of the day sitting on my butt. I have been doing too much butt sitting lately. I want to force issues but have no idea where to push or how.
Time is all I have. It is both for me and against me. Come September I will be able to start making moves, but until then everything runs on like sand through an hourglass. My brain is busted and I don’t know why. I cannot understand the complex dimensions of the universe and it bothers me. It bothers me to know end that I cannot unwrap these mysteries.
Every decision feels overwhelming. I have walked down several roads only to turn around when I saw they were as difficult as the one I was already on. There is no need to change paths if nothing is going to change. I hate people that talk like this. Saying nothing, but everyone thinks they have said something. Alter the paradigm and shift the perspective of the universe to align it in your favor.
I do not know why I cannot think. I began writing to get my brain moving, and today it stopped. It might also be the fact that I am awake before 5:00 AM on a Saturday. The brain shouldn’t work at this time. It is too early. People talk about thinking clearly. Lately I have been trying to think through a brick wall. It is difficult to the point of being impossible.
Every task I set out to do feels like a step back, but yet I keep moving forward, and I am not sure how I ended up in the place I am.
David Huzzard Writes 