This year has not been an easy one, and it feels like things are hitting again. I’ve said it many times this year that I am tired of taking punches, and at some point I’d like to start punching back. I’m not sure when we get to that point. This entire year has been a drain. I feel like I have spent the year watching my energy, emotions, and health drain slowly away.
Some of the best times of the year should be coming up. It is going to be Halloween soon. That should be fun. It should be exciting to take my kids to events and prepare our own house for trick or treaters. But my focus is elsewhere. There are so many problems that need solving and they are all beyond my ability. Every time I think I have a problem solved ten more creep up.
It makes it hard to be grateful for what you have when it feels like what you have is slowly slipping away. The things that aren’t are my children. I had a great night with Windsor going to Target to spend his tooth fairy money. He is always such a different kid when it is one on one. He is also highly intelligent and it is scary. It feels like he is following my path. He is already not doing his school work in school, and the lesson of going along to get along is not one I learned until much later in life.
I do hope Windsor isn’t like me. I have come to hate my brain. It feels like the solution is always one thought away but there is a steel wall between my and it. That I should be able to think my way through any problem, but the answer is just out of reach. I hope that Windsor can find those answers and understand how to use his brain.
I am grateful for the love of my children. I’ve often thought about people that reach such financial hardships that they take extreme actions and wonder why. If I lost everything I would still have everything. Money isn’t real. Love is the real power of the world, and right now I have that in droves.
David Huzzard Writes 