At times I can feel the stress of this year. Like a physical weight I am struggling to get out of. That is one of the reasons I started this gratitude journal. To get up each morning and start the day with a bit of positivity. Too often this has turned into a complaining session over the latest misfortune in my life.
My first thoughts this morning were that the stress of this year has taken years off my life and then quickly followed by I need to have more confidence. You see so many people with undeserved confidence walking around and I can’t muster any bit of it. Not one shred of confidence.
I am convinced the sky is falling and all that lurks on the horizon is doom. I am not confident that we will ever get to a place of good or even back to the starting line. It feels like everything is crumbling around me and I am powerless to stop it. Amidst all this I am supposed to be confident?
The stress is a killer. A killer that whispers in your ear and drives you deeper and deeper into a place you don’t want to be. It is both a physical weight and a chain tied around my ankles as I try and swim to daylight. I feel the stress and I feel trapped by it. I can’t get out of it.
Now that I write this all down I can see that the only way forward is forward. All I can do is keep moving and hope it is the right direction. It is something I just have to get through. A natural part of life.
Maybe one day I will wake up and all the cobwebs and weight will be gone. I will think and see clearly and feel light and vibrant. I will be past all the issues and on to a good adventure, but for now the stress is a daily companion making me not myself. Draining my confidence and energy. Some losses are harder to get over than others, and stones cast further ripples.
David Huzzard Writes 