There is something I find fun about trying to understand questions with no answers. I think that is why I have started describing myself to people as more theological that religious or why I enjoy pursuing the nature of art. I thrive inside ambiguity. However. I hate it when it is imposed by an external source.
Go back and read my writings from the time I was waiting for the mortgage to close. I was losing my mind because of unknowns beyond my control. Underwriting kept missing their own deadlines and there was no clear time horizon. Everything felt vague and forced upon me. It was constraining.
However when I am inside ambiguity it is freeing. It is a mode of discovery. We zoom out to 30,000 ft, slowly circle, and then find a small nugget of truth and head back to the ground to refine it to a sharpened point. This is how I do best in my days.
I can’t tell you what happened to me yesterday but I messed up everything. My brain imploded near the end of the day. I had a longer than normal work day but part of that was a lunch and learn on websites and how to have a good one.
That right there is what we call a pain point. So instead of sitting quietly while learning I decided to pursue some active learning and after running a test on my website found a process that could be improved. There was an old GA tag on the site and it needed to be removed or so I thought. A quick sanity test would have stopped me, but I didn’t sanity test. I chased. I ran down that rabbit hole and got stuck.
I ended up with no resolution and it brought up bad memories from the past. It angered and disrupted me and after that my day was done, but instead I went home, chased that rabbit a little more, and then dove into another friction point. After that when the kids started fighting as soon as I sat down to relax it drove me over the edge. I left the house and drove to the brewery from some peace and quiet and to read and relax.
The end result was the family missed Ash Wednesday because I’d already turned to dust.
David Huzzard Writes 