For awhile it felt like someone had installed a wall in my mind. I had asked no one to do this and wasn’t interested in its existence. For awhile it was removed and ideas were powering out of me. It was like I saw clearly for the first time in awhile. This morning I woke up and it feels like the wall is back. Like someone walked up to me and hit an off switch.
Right now I can’t even tell you what thoughts should be coming or what ideas I should have. It feels like there is a barrier in my brain and I can’t even explain what that feels like. Maybe the answer is simple. I was running and such a high level for such a long period of time I needed a rest and if I wasn’t going to stop myself my biology would do the work for me.
That doesn’t make any sense. We’re just talking about thinking. I don’t know exactly what happened but the quiet is nice. I don’t need new ideas always attacking me or new insights coming all the time. There are periods where more practical work is required.
Or there is an even simpler explanation. That I don’t have any new ideas or any needs of them but that wasn’t what I was going to write. I also got up late this morning and am trying to right in the middle of the house of screams. It isn’t on purpose. It is simply that everyone else in this house loves to talk very loudly, and sleeping in until 6:30 is a guaranteed way to be in the middle of commotion when trying to write.
So now I am at a point where no thoughts are coming and the ones that do leave very quickly when they arrive. That makes both getting into and staying in a flow almost impossible. These are going to be a long couple of weeks if I can’t get my brain working again.
I’d like to find the person that hit the off switch so I can turn it back on. The quiet is nice, but I don’t like it. I prefer the chaos, but only the internal chaos. External chaos chases the few thoughts that come away. I can say that time is moving slower this morning. I don’t know how, but these ten minutes have felt like twenty and I am shocked an entire minute is left.
I can hear them all in the other room. They are all talking so loud and I will never get a thought to stay. That doesn’t matter if they won’t come in the first place. The only think to do is to do what I have to and hope I get back to that point again. Either way I have plenty to do without new work, but I wouldn’t mind the company while doing it.
David Huzzard Writes 