Five Totally Safe Topics to Discuss this Thanksgiving

Impeachment Proceedings

We are truly living in historic times. There have only been two presidents impeached in our country’s history and a third could be joining Johnson and Clinton soon. Your family will love if you bring this up at the holiday table. As they say there is nothing that builds unity and cohesiveness like a good political discussion. Especially when it involves Donald Trump and his asking a foreign leader to commit espionage against the son of a former vice president. Asking foreign leaders to engage in an act of war against the United States certainly has us winning and helping to make America great again.

NCAA Football

It is almost college bowl season and you know what that means. Everyone is excited to gather round and watch unpaid athletes put their future careers and mental health at risk to play in the Goody’s Headache Powder and Dawn Super Premium Detergent Bowls once again. There is nothing controversial at all about the NCAA. They are a family friendly wholesome organization that only has the purity of amateur athletics at heart and are 100% not about exploiting free labor to make billions of dollars for a very few.

The Origins of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a holiday about coming together. Celebrating and giving thanks for all that the year has brought us and will bring us during the rest of the holiday season. And we know how the Mayflower Pilgrims and the Wampanoag tribe of the northwest came together to celebrate in the most American way possible, by shooting each other. King Philip’s War was certainly a blessed and historic time early in the settlement of what would become the United States and it is important to remember why we have gathered round the table to eat a bountiful harvest just as the Mayflower Pilgrims and the Wampanoag tribe did all those centuries ago.

The 2nd Amendment

As alluded to above there is nothing that Americans love more than guns, and so many Americans love their guns that there is certainly going to be someone at your Thanksgiving table ready and willing to discuss the rights and responsibilities of gun ownership and how glorious it is that 370 people shared their love of guns and 2nd Amendment rights with 1,907 of their fellow citizens. There is nothing more loving than a bullet and Americans love sharing the love. Nothing will liven up Thanksgiving more this year than discussing how great it is that so many Americans got to share their 2nd Amendment rights in 2019.


Finally the topic that is certain to pair best as your family collapses their arteries with pumpkin, sweet potato, and pecan pie, because when they suffer that inevitable heart attack they are going to love their insurance declining the ambulance ride and forcing them to pay thousands of dollars just to get to the hospital. And wow wee you should see the bills that come for the actual care. Your family will feel good knowing the diabetes and heart disease they are working towards with all those candied yams and mashed potatoes are going to be covered by no one until they reach their $13,000 deductible. But it’s all good. The United States may not have the highest ranked healthcare system in the world, the lowest infant mortality rate, or the best life expectancy but we’ve got the richest insurance companies and that’s got to count for something.

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