Of The Many Lives We’ve Lead

Think of all the lives we lead. Not the one we have but of all the branching paths. Of all the decisions made, unmade, and never considered. I am thinking of that now because we made a decision to find out some information. Mainly what our business would be worth. With three kids under two it is very hard to take care of them and run a business.

The thing of it is though we have a lot more time with our kids than most people. It has always been my belief that education starts at home and starts with the parents. At the same time I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough. We aren’t even reading them a book a day anymore. I have unread books that we own and unread books from the library. I tried to read to them before bed last night and couldn’t get very far into the book.

After reading Bleak House I need a break from British novels written before 1900 and Gulliver’s Travels wasn’t a good choice. It is almost 200 years older than Bleak House and has even more exposition. In what year did show don’t tell become the standard rule for writing? It wasn’t in the 1600’s that’s for sure.

This isn’t about that. It both is and isn’t about the kids tonight. The decision on whether we sell the business or not isn’t truly a financial one. The business’s biggest liability is gone of their own accord. That savings gives us lots of flexibility. Flexibility we didn’t have a month ago. The $600 a week we were paying a manager could go toward in home child care or rent on a building for a grooming salon or doggy daycare. It could do a lot of things. It is best that it stay with the business for now. Become profit.

I had few enough visits today that we were able to go to the zoo at 1:30 in the afternoon and have dinner out at one of our favorite restaurants afterwards. On Monday we are taking the children to Kings Dominion. Our lives are not bad but yet I want more, but I do not think selling the business and locking ourselves into more traditional jobs gets us that. I don’t know what does.

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. It is a series of branching paths and deviations. We always regret the paths we don’t take and question the ones we do. To doubt is human. I do not think I am the type of person to ever be satisfied with where I am. I have trouble stopping and admiring all I have. We moved to Virginia Beach to start a family, check, live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, check, to have more time together, check, to start and run our own business, check, and to live like we’re on vacation, check.

We have accomplished everything we set out to do, and yet I look back at the branching paths of my life and wonder what if while simultaneously looking forward into the fog of the future and wondering why I cannot find a clear way forward. I do not think that is special or unique. It is one of the many human conditions.

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