The Dumbest Horror Movie Characters Are Not Dumb Enough

The last 15 minutes of the horror movie The Resort are one hell of a ride. The main reason for that is that is all the make-up budget the movie had and that is the only time the ghosts show up. It’s 15 minutes of everyone dying in low budget gory glory and then the credits role. Before that it was a movie about people walking around. Was it a good movie? Not at all. Was it a good bad horror movie? I’m not sure if it meets that threshold. It was certainly bad, but does 15 minutes of cheap thrills make up for an hour and ten of people walking around? All be it looking incredibly sexy while walking around but still just walking around.

The thing with those last few minutes of The Resort is they never had to happen. All the characters could have survived. They could have done the smart thing and left. The first time not leaving is somewhat understandable. Nothing strange had happened yet, but then they find a dead dog with the backpack they returned to retrieve in a room they never went into and hear the security guard scream before finding his truck and then fighting over taking it being the wrong thing to do. At this point there is clearly scary and weird stuff happening. Leave. Go as fast and as far as possible.

Now that we have lived through a real life horror movie for the past year and a half I have to say my first thought that these were the dumbest horror movie characters I have ever seen might have been accurate but this movie might have been accurate as to how people would behave. We can see it with parents bum rushing school board meetings demanding the school boards let their kids get covid and possibly die. We see it with people refusing to get vaccines and sticking to that position while hospitals are overrun.

Here is something fun. Read the comments section of a Facebook article on covid and then imagine those people in a horror movie. What would the people be like that see an article about hospitals in Mississippi being on the verge of failure and commenting that the ER in Virginia Beach wasn’t full the other day. I imagine that person being in the middle of a haunted house about to be mutilated by the ghosts and saying, “There are no ghosts in my house.” You ain’t in your house.

Or how about this one. The people that read that twenty-some people on a cruise line that mandates vaccines were infected with covid and commenting that the vaccines don’t work. I expect anyone reading this to be able to understand the nuances of the vaccines or you’re in the wrong place and should leave. I mean the salt line should keep the ghosts out but it isn’t 100% effective as a poltergeist could throw an object over it and bonk someone in the head or open a window near the salt line and let the wind blow it away. If you’re ever being attacked by ghost you’d probably rather by behind a salt line than not. Unless you’re someone that believes anything less than 100% is the same as 0%.

Yeah, so, after watching a horror movie with characters so dumb they failed to escape multiple times when the ghosts all but let them go are still smarter than every anti-vaxxer on the planet.

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