Fatherhood and Failure

To be a parent is to fear you are constantly failing your child. I wonder every day if I am doing all I can and I am certain I am not. Today we woke up and I don’t actually remember much of the morning. I walked the dog and then questioned if he’d gone potty on the walk so I walked him a second time after we ate breakfast but I don’t recall how any of the children got downstairs. I did go to work for a few minutes at the neighbors house seeing to their cat, but I think everyone was downstairs by then.

Today was supposed to be our big adventure to Colonial Williamsburg but I didn’t count on how tired we’d be in the morning and I didn’t feel like driving back through the tunnel so we decided to do something closer. We ended up apple picking and attempting a corn maze that we both succeeded wildly and failed miserably at. We got out the entrance with both boys screaming for drinks. The apple picking beforehand went well but I shouldn’t have looked up what we pay per lbs at the grocery afterwards because I clearly forgot to charge the farm for labor, shipping, and delivery.

On the way home from our farm adventure I mentioned the distillery that is a mile from our house that we’ve never been to and my wife seemed to indicate that was a fine idea. We didn’t stop but headed home and her mother happens to be staying with us so I said she could watch the kids and we could bugger off to the distillery. It didn’t happen that way. Her mother had a pick-up to make in Norfolk and I decided to sulk in the living room/family room/study/den ignoring my children.

I’m not certain if sulking like a baby when you don’t get your way is common among fathers but I do it often. Anyway her mother returned and we then went to the distillery to find out they were sold out of tastings for the day. I found this curious as no one else was there but then when I checked online they do tours every hour from 2-6 and that’s how you get a tasting. After that bit of failure we came home and I sulked some more.

Then I made dinner for everyone and went out to do a couple evening pet visits before returning home and helping get the kids upstairs. I walked up the stairs behind them and then played a game where I laid on the floor and slowly rose up until my son yelled down and then I lowered down. One time he didn’t call down for a bit and when I went down he fell off and hit his head on the wall.

After the children were all in the boys room I flipped of the lights, went downstairs, made myself a gin and tonic, and turned on Y The Last Man on Hulu until one of the boys bit my wife at which point I went upstairs and my wife told me the boy had bit here and I went back downstairs and finished my show. I am fairly certain that show is not accurate at all. If men were to die off the world would be just fine. I can tell you that I am not a useful member of this crew and that my family would function just the same if I blipped out of existence.

I don’t want to end this on a depressing note or for anyone to think there is anything wrong with me but I am certain uselessness is a common feeling among fathers. I’d like to be more useful but I require a fair amount of relaxation time to be functional and three kids don’t allow for much relaxation time.

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